Susan Boyle: 41 million kisses, and counting

What is astonishing about the Susan Boyle experience is the universal reaction to her: We have all ended in tears. And the reason for it isn’t far to seek. Don’t we know what it’s like to be 47, without a job, overweight, not dropdead gorgeous. Like we once knew what it was to be 16, slim as a magic wand, cool, surrounded by Goth friends, debating which boy to kiss……At 47, that is a distant memory. And Susan? She’s never been kissed, never been 16 and cool. She must have been 16 and looking as otherworldly as she does today. So much so that the only thing she must have been debating was which sneer to avoid. When you see her video, (and 41 million of us have), when you watch her audience’s sneers turn to delight, not unmixed with shame, when you hear her startling voice singing about how “My life has killed the dreams I dreamed”, it’s as if she is singing for all of us. For all of us whose dreams are dust, all our hopes mangled with an Oreo milkshake that in no way fills the void within, all our talent worthless since it garners nothing in our bank accounts, all our sad attempts at love ending in a penchant for Stephenie Meyer novels. Yes, there is a Susan Boyle who wakes from her own lonely sleep, or a Mickey Rourke, once and forever broken but who found a single saviour in Hollywood with Darren Aronofsky, but what of the rest of us? What about those without a singing voice? Or acting chops? So we weep.

It’s interesting to watch those stone cold men, Piers Morgan and Simon Cowell, in Susan’s video. Piers kept a tight rein on his facial muscles so that he didn’t break down like a fool. Simon? He cupped his face in his hands and sighed and smiled and looked as proud as though he was related to the lady in question. Yes, he’ll make money off her but Simon has one saving grace. It’s what makes us forgive his Jennifer Hudson fiasco and his crude remarks to young hearts which lie defenseless at his feet week after week while American Idol is on. He genuinely cares when he uncovers talent. When Adam Lambert performs, he nods and smiles at him in a one-on-one communication that is caught on camera. The only time Simon is respectful of another human being is when they themselves have power. By the way, a 12-year-old called Shaheen is now making waves with his voice on Britain’s Got Talent. He’s got talent but what can I say, he didn’t bring me to tears.