For BDB fans' eyes only

Never, ever, wait for something so much that you think about it every day, gasping as you mark off your calendar and sighing with happiness-in-anticipation. The thing is, you will be disappointed, as sure as the sun will rise, with or without you on the planet. JR Ward's fans have been wanting the story of Blay & Qhuinn since she first started her BDB series, and while Lover At Last has a great deal of what makes Ward the best in her genre, the suckfest arrives from the very beginning. Priatkus obviously has no editors. There are mistakes and missteps. The first is painfully obvious, but the second, well that's the difference between the good and the great, and if you aren't producing great books, you may as well be the kind of 'writer' who endorses marriage websites on TV as a day job. I'll tell you the worst misstep: there's not enough tenderness, not enough of the great dialogue that Ward usually gives her lovers, and that's what we were all waiting for. Add to that the multiple story lines, some so dull they barely lifted off the page, (yes, Trez, that means you), and I failed to go to bed clutching the book to my chest in full foetus position as is my wont when reading Ward. But you know, enough whining, there is still so much to make me thrilled to have read the book. When there is the requisite obsessive love that we can feel and listen to, B&Q are lovely. I especially liked Saxton getting his when Qhuinn thinks he's a love rat, or B&Q at the gym and the club. They take too long to reach an understanding which was frustrating but Ward gives us two new, marvellous couples to keep the juices flowing: Assail (anyone who loved Rehvenge will know what I mean) and Sola, and Xcor and Layla. Alpha males, strong females, great chemistry and interaction; no one can beat Ward when she's very, very good.

Not quite resurrected

JR Ward is a God. No question about it. She has created a world of the most intimate, tender, tough, cool characters, with the kind of internal struggles and a masterly interactive dialogue that is unparallelled in her genre. It isn't realistic dialogue – do you know men who love to talk and examine their feelings? - but it is touching and what women want. Yet the latest book suffers from the worst malaise an author of repute can suffer: Lover Reborn's main storyline doesn't work. It's the exact fate of Lover Enshrined, where Phury and Cormia are just boring.

Here, Tohr (or Thor as Ward fans still insist on saying on her FB page, I thought Americans only had problems with Asian names, maybe they think Tohr is Arabic), is still in love with his dead wife, still mourning his unborn son, and in a matter of a few chapters we are to believe that he has fallen in love again. I think this is a modern day problem, where you are expected to love again and marry again no matter what, it's as though you are wanting in some way if you don't. Superficial much? Even the sex seems mechanical, and that, for Ward, is the coup de grace. But. I still love her work. There's a gritty, raw essence and deep values of loyalty and commitment that gets me going till the last page. There are new characters I've fallen for, like Xcor, and old characters that still set my heart beating faster, like Qhuinn and Blay. Layla having Q's baby was a motif introduced in the last book and one gets the feeling that Ward felt she had to stick to it although it really is a stumbling block to the developing saga but you get my drift? I am invested in these people.

This is the mother lode for a writer.

Fifty Shades of (Bleak) Grey

As a huge fan of paranormal romance, I'm no stranger to erotic fiction which is great fun. So when I first heard the buzz about EL James' Fifty Shades I sang a Hallelujah chorus as I tripped to the nearest laptop and downloaded merrily away. Alas. This is why my mother taught me never to look forward too much to anything because the resulting thud of disappointment can be quite jarring.

Who is this little novella meant for? Thirtysomething housewives standing next to the laundry line with a ciggy dangling out of their lipstick-smeared petulant mouths, a dissatisfied meatloaf in the oven and a screaming toddler flinging food from a highchair? If you think that's a cliched image out of the 50s, I'd like to know what you think of this teenage dream alive and kicking between the pages of a book.

The hero is flawed, the heroine a virgin and just to modernise the whole, James throws in some sex toys, aka TMI. In the old days of Mills&Boon (a staple for all virgins), the formula was just that, without the sex toys. I know people (read romance fiction readers) don't change and I shamefully admit that the M&B formula can still float my boat but not when it is so painfully, haha, written. James has ensured that even if you only have a clutch of 'O' levels to your name, you can easily follow her simplistic style because it seems to be written from the point of view of a 15-year-old. (Sarah Honenberger makes that work in Catcher, Caught. Here? Not so much.)

Christian Grey is a CEO of who-cares-what, he's tall, gorgeous and has haunted eyes – really, what woman would not jump into the man's bed – and Anastasia Steele is lovely, shy and never felt the need to be bedded until etc etc. But, aye, here's the rub, when Christian speaks he speaks 'phlegmatically', when he's turning Ana on she sighs 'Oh my' and you wouldn't be surprised if she was pausing for a cucumber sandwich or two, and I do not mean that as part of their sensual arsenal but in terms of what a simpering Victorian Miss might do.

He has to have some BDSM going on and does sinful things with whips when he's not using his hands - and she is learning to like it.

Fifty Shades has perhaps five nice lines but in terms of why it is popular – this is a mystery. I can get my kicks from Stacia Kane and JR Ward, the gods of paranormal/erotic fiction, and I can re-read their dialogue and lust after their characters without a second thought. With Fifty Shades I keep thinking 'Why, God, why' and once you start thinking...God help you. Great fiction just lets you feel. That clutch at the throat first, then you let it sink into your consciousness.

Then again, maybe I can guess why Fifty Shades has caught the public imagination. Working women everywhere with busy husbands, or no lovers at all, may have very vivid imaginations to make up for what they're not getting at home. Christian and Ana work on the obvious level, but James has added a clever touch: She's made them have normal family lives, siblings and best friends so it seems that much more realistic. As in: Maybe, just maybe, this could happen to you.

James has also understood the need most women have for that something extra in their personal lives, which is where the Dom/Sub element of the book comes in.

It's the same reason why I've stopped reading Mills&Boons and have switched to its more substantial big sister; and she doesn't always need to wield a whip. In fact, erotic fiction like Fifty Shades pales in comparison to paranormal erotic fiction for the simple reason that you hardly, if ever, meet human males who are even vaguely interesting, either in real or unreal life. But if you're having dinner with Zsadist of Ward's Black Dagger Brotherhood, with a scar slashing his face, his penchant for green apples and his tender, tender loving, hell could freeze over and you wouldn't notice. Of course hell will freeze over before you meet someone like him other than in the pages of a book, but you can't have everything.

Although these days, much as j'adore Ms Ward, my heart belongs to Terrible, Stacia Kane's incredible character from the Chess Putnam series who I keep beside my bed.

Just to remind myself of the standards I must hold.

In love with a Zsadist

So ok, I'm in love, a couple of times over. Recently, I received a treasure trove from Flipkart and gloated over it for a week before I started reading. While I began with the delicious Kresley Cole, I became immersed in JR Ward's books before I knew what had hit me, and it's been like a drug ever since. The last time I felt so excited and light as air was when I read Ignatius' story in A Confederacy of Dunces, and since the author offed himself right after he wrote that, I was denied any further fixes.

But Ward never stops; she is, of course, one of the lucky ones who found her calling and as any writer of worth (haha, inside joke) knows, the story tells itself. But the author's sensibilities is the crucible it must go through and lor' luv 'er, Jessica knows what matters in this world and sinks herself deep into love, loyalty, the pain that forges character, loss and courage. The thing, though, is this: Each is doled out with such a level of intensity that the reader is thrilled to the toes. You know, that's what matters in daily life, not what you do but how deeply you feel. Cutting roses for a bouquet? You better feel the petals and inhale the fragrance and poke at the soil and admire your stretch of garden and imagine the way the arrangement will play out on the wooden table in the kitchen. You thought you could just cut and run? Sure you can, if you're brain-dead.

It's the same with friendships. You just want to hang with people you don't really give a damn about and listen to them warble about their kids and their job and the game Saturday night but at least, hey, you aren't alone? They are a waste of space and you are wasting your time. Instead, get into a band of brothers who fight the good fight and fall in love with all the lightheartedness of a boulder. You will have a favourite and his name will be Zsadist, with his inner core of sweet and an outer layer of pure intimidation. It's his suffering that calls out to you, though, and the way he deals with it, like a man. Your next favourite will be V, short for Vishous. Goatee, light eyes, smart and sexy as hell. Then there's Rehv whose screaming masculinity and absolute power comes close to, I don't know, mainlining H? He's also got purple eyes.

And then it's, surprise, surprise, the gay boys Qhuinn and Blay. Now I have no particular interest in the gay scene but after reading the conversations between Q and B, I want a whole book dedicated to them. They are so cool, so strong, so in love, so honourable. Ward, I'm sorry to report, has said she might do a novella because she has to keep her (straight) fan base in mind.

I also draw the line at the very wimpy female characters who hum and haw their way through these warriors' lives, but I especially dislike Jane, V's chosen. I hear Ward was not satisfied with V's story either and I can tell her why: Jane is just not the right mix for him, even though Ward has made her almost masculine keeping V's tastes in mind (subtle touch, LOVE his relationship with Butch). I like Rhage, Wrath, Beth, Butch, John and Bella, and I can tell Ward does, too. She, and the reader, don't much care for Phury, though. He's just too damn needy is what it is.

One point of embarrassment: awful proofing in the BDB books and Ward doesn't seem to know the difference between wretched and retched and on http://www.lovevampires.com/jrward.html, she seems to think roll means role (unless that's the interviewer's problem).....what the what?!

But honestly, if these books aren't made into movies it would be a crying shame.