Grammy whammys

Janelle Monae sticking her finger in her mouth at the entrance to the Grammys' red carpet walk of fame was a sight I could have done without. So ok, she was doing the slightly disgusting beauty trick where you put your forefinger between your lips and slide it out so that lipstick doesn't stick to your teeth (see, you learn something new every day) but these days cameras are on you everywhere. Don't celebs know this?? It was a good show, though, with Justin Timberlake and Jack White showing wannabes like Taylor Swift and Hunter Hayes, (whose over-singing of his hit song 'Wanted' was almost as painful as Taylor's endless putdowns of boyfriends who keep dumping her), how it's done.

The coolest man on the planet has to be Jay Z; he's so cool he doesn't need to speak but when he does they STOP the music instead of running it when people are going over time. Man's a God, and anyone who has listened to '99 Problems' and 'No Church in the Wild' knows that. Prince is pretty close to one, too. Musical genius who doesn't need to pitterpatter at the mike, he has nothing to prove.

Loved the flame-red dress on Rihanna who seems to have donned a much more raw musical persona: 'Stay' is going to be a major hit; pity she hasn't improved her taste in abusive men.

Jennifer Lopez's leg carried itself much better than La Jolie did at the Oscars.

Carrie Underwood is very possibly the voice of the year, no matter what anyone says about Adele. Carrie has the range even though you prefer listening to Adele; and no prizes for guessing who wins the style stakes looking at the sublime Cavalli number on Carrie and the giant question mark on Adele (Valentino must be turning over in his retirement home). Carrie also came up with the idea for the stunning projections on her performance dress which was way cool.

Poor Giuliana Rancic, meanwhile, and that has nothing to do with her health issues which I wouldn't wish even on people I actively detest. She became more and more manic as the evening went on. She was the best host/interviewer in her early days but fame seems to have unsettled her.

I don't like seeing people I admire going down the tubes.

Speaking of which, note to Johnny Depp: The scarf hanging from the belt is Aerosmith-dated and plain embarrassing on a man just shy of celebrating the big Five-O. Cease and Desist, we beg you.