Dear Johnny

Poor Johnny Depp. Didn't he know that trophies are sometimes heavy to carry? There he was with the sublime Vanessa Paradis for decades and then he simply had to answer the call for a younger model on his arm, although it's ok that HE's become portly and a bit of a caricature of himself. Fortunately for the woman, no one dares call her out on the timely photos of her bruised face, (without Snapchat, what is this, 2010?), except for the Internet commentators - and as we know the Internet Always Wins. No one dares to say that women cannot always be trusted when they yell abuse, just like men can never be trusted when they swear undying love. Recently read a tweet where some wit said he would rather be happy than write. Happiness is for cats and dogs, as the saying goes, Humans should aspire for something more.

Grammys in tune, and not

Weren't the Grammys great? It threw up real talent, not the teenage pop crap a la Taylor Swift who's old enough now to know better (and whose reaction when Ed Sheeran won was so painfully "Look at me, aren't I magnanimous and well, look at me, not Ed, look at meeee!" I cringed). Alabama Shakes with their black, cool af beat & their love for the sound and feel of their music, the utter genius of Kendrick Lamar who also fights a very real fight decades after the civil rights movement, Diplo and Skrillex on the same stage, even the song Girl Crush and Hollywood Vampires were such highlights (but why does Johnny Depp look like a wannabe rock star starting out 30 years too late when Joe Perry doesn't have to get up off a couch to achieve the same effect? It can't be because we're used to seeing him as an actor, look at Jared Leto). 
Unfortunately, the show also felled 2 great talents. Adele went off-key (pretty much like Jesus failing to turn water into wine) and Lady Gaga's homage to Bowie was missing a certain fluidity although her heart was in the right place, apparently as a new tat on her skin. I couldn't have put it better than Bowie's son Duncan Jones' ouch-inducing Tweet: "'Over-excited or irrational, typically as a result of infatuation or excessive enthusiasm; mentally confused.' Damn it! What IS that word!?'"
I know everyone's excited about Demi Lovato's new sound (as in no one knew she could sing) but can I just say she seems to try too hard, it has to be effortless like Leona Lewis to make us acknowledge there is no doubt about how talented you are.
On a last note slash plea: Can someone stop LL Cool J? He's about as interesting a host as watching your accountant run through your tax returns.