Reading room as lair

Racism rules OK

Is there anything more grotesque than the Australia ads with Indians telling other Indians what a fantastic, gorgeous, wonderful, egalitarian and fun-loving country they live in? They are hoping, no doubt, that we Pakis (aka all brown people) ignore the regular racist attacks our countrymen undergo there year after year and spend our money to increase their wealth. Yes, the ads only surfaced after the attacks were too numerous to ignore.

And btw, there is something more grotesque: the American Tourister ads with their 'surviving a city' theme, as in “Survive Istanbul, Survive the world”.

The AT honchos adspeak ran thus: “Through this new communication we are aiming to drive home the message of American Tourister as ‘the tough international luggage’.”

Really? The message we got was that Americans, yawn, still think they are kings of the heap. 

Come to think of it, that they are.

Crime & Punishment

Reading about the arrest of a Frenchman in India on suspicion of the most appalling crime was enough to make my breakfast come up. You would think a man accused of allegedly raping his 3-yr-old daughter would be enough of a slice of the Apocalypse, but there is something worse: Bangalore policemen giving him the benefit of the doubt not because there was only circumstantial evidence, but because they could not imagine a father raping his daughter, they said. The circumstantial evidence, according to hospital reports, is that the toddler was raped from various orifices. And that's not allegedly.

The father is now saying the mother is trying to frame him. I see. And she would no doubt have raped her own child using some implement or another to get back at him for reasons unknown? Yes, perhaps Bangalore policemen can find some credibility in that scenario because, you see, the guilty party would then be a woman.

In America, paedophiles are killed in prison, proving that serial killers are ok but child molestors are not. We are not that advanced in India. Here, the father above was merely slapped by a passer-by as he was being taken to jail.

I was watching a rerun of Luther, the cop drama on BBC Entertainment, and when they shoot this piece of excrement trying to pose as a human being I was seriously upset. Come on, where's the justice in that? A quick death in response to horrific acts based on, in this fictional case, greed?

No, no, no.

I am against the death penalty because there are many people who need to suffer slowly, painfully and just as remorselessly as the deeds they commit, a little every day so they don't get used to it. (If there's one law we should all adhere to it is the Law of Diminishing Returns, don't you agree?) They need to have everything they care for systematically removed so the horror they undergo seeps into them on a spiritual level, too. Then, they need to have done to them exactly what they did to someone else, and I mean exactly.

For sub-humans who rape or murder or abuse children, there needs to be a whole other punishment to fit the crime.

Saw, Bought, Love..Zara

Who needs a finishing school?

I have been on the fence about Kristen Stewart. I've always thought she was a good actress; it's not her fault that "Twilight" has had some of the worst directors that escaped a good whipping at the confessional, as my adored fictional character Ignatius Reilly would say.
But what about her ditzy persona in real life, dropping awards, wearing Converse onstage and sharply inhaling through her teeth when she has nothing to say, which is often? Yes, bloody annoying. I know she wants us to think she's a free spirit and all, but it gets old real fast. And did she really ask Taylor Lautner or Chris Hemsworth to come up for a snog while accepting her Best Kiss award? Eeeek.
At the MTV Movie Awards 2012 a few days ago, it was all I could do to stop myself from hurling my four-inch stilletto at the TV screen. Especially as I had just watched Jen Aniston who is cool without trying accept her Dirtbag award with grace and humour, and Emma Stone accept her Trailblazer award with sincerity and heartfelt emotion.
I think Stewart's new movie "On The Road" will at least finally make or break her reputation as a serious actress, though. That should be fun.
Urgent hint to Stewart's stylist: I know the politically incorrect "just raped" look was all the rage once upon a time but this was a "I forgot my hairbrush" look....oops, forgot she was a free spirit. Silly moi.
Meanwhile, Russell Brand and Charlie Sheen were just embarrassing and Michael Fassbender needs to understand timing; you cannot loll on the floor for so long that people wonder what to do with you. Dear o dear.
Best timing? Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale.
Best dressed? Charlize Theron and Elizabeth Banks.
He-got-even-cooler award? Johnny D with a guitar in his hot little hands.
Please-restart-your-medication award? Steven Tyler for lauding the movie Edward "Scissorhand" before giving Johnny his Generation accolade. I ask you.
*Kristen Stewart update: Wow. Don't know about her acting chops but she certainly has no moral chops. Her rep has been blown in the wind, and the world being what it is, no one will ever forget this 'out damn'd spot' moment of hers. After seeing the pictures where she and her 41-yr-old "fling" act as if they've been stuck in different monasteries for a year, one can feel, mingled with the contempt, a certain nausea. What a sad species we are.

Tender graces

This might not seem like much to you, but I firmly believe it shifts the scales between life as it was meant to be lived and, well, Not.......

If a guest room is without a little table for luggage, or a restaurant is without a footstool for your handbag (and you need to fish out your bejewelled hook and fix it to the table)...really, can civilisation devolve any further? At least I got one out of two recently so we must thank the good Lord for his tender mercies.

You red-eyed Lothaire you...

Lothaire is one of the best books from the Cole stable. It's all in the lead character. He's invincible and mean - and hilarious, the rarest of rare combinations. Blend uncompromising strength with humour and you've found the daring duo that will slay all female hearts.
Example: As a wailing female ghoul slashes at his face, Lothaire says "Didn't I know you when you were pretty?" She shrieks. Then he adds contemplatively, "Didn't I do you when you were pretty?" She shrieks some more before fleeing. He says, Yeah, thought so.
His Lothaire-speak, his intensity, his E-vil (shades of Mike Myers) is just delicious.
I just love Cole's penchant for drama, the fight between good and not-so-good, the searing chemistry between her couples which blends nicely with a meeting of minds from which the dialogue flows and crackles and refreshes.
S'all good.
Now to wait for a week and then read it again...