Oscars 2013

I heaved a sigh of relief 30 minutes into the Red Carpet. That's when they took Anupama Chopra off the air and we got back on an even keel listening to Kelly Rowland and Kristin Chenoweth. They were much worse than Anupama Chopra, (inane questions, meet Oscar Red Carpet hosts), but at least they had the requisite camera personalities, something sadly lacking in La Chopra whose high-pitched voice and dead expression makes me very restless indeed. And her hair and make-up were simply embarrassing. No, make that the shag carpet she seemed to be wearing.

Why is it that Indian women have no concept of fashion? From Aishwarya Rai to Natasha Poonawala, it's a case of what top-notch designer the stylist decrees. Style is Anne Hathaway's Prada, Salma Hayek's McQueen, Halle Berry's Versace; most Indian women would be unable to wear any of the above-mentioned ensembles. The only one who comes close to the panache necessary to wear Dior and Lacroix, for example, is Sonam Kapoor but that's the point; you are not Sonam Kapoor and you need to figure out what suits you, especially when you're in the public eye.

But what a fun Oscars it was.

* I thought Seth MacFarlane was hilarious, talented, suave and entertaining (more of that camera personality thing). Thought his “We Saw Your Boobs” was especially fun – only to read how a female columnist at The New Yorker went ballistic saying SM was a misogynist etc etc, boosting a “hostile, ugly, sexist night”. Dear Lord. I say please go in search of your sense of humour, not to mention perspective and, probably, try to get citizenship in a country that doesn't equate political correctness with a moral high ground. The first is tiresome, the second suspect.

* Thrilled to see Tarantino win for Best Original Screenplay, (man's a God as far as I'm concerned; cinema's answer to Jay Z in the cool quotient), but there was an outrage that balanced his win out, and not in a good way. DiCaprio's 20 minutes or so of screen time in “Django” was, as always, riveting, and he wasn't even nominated. I challenge anyone to name a single movie this guy has been in which wasn't outrageously sublime, (yes, even “The Beach”). But there you go. His absence at Oscar-time is as baffling as Jennifer Lawrence scoring over Sally Field or the 9-yr-old with the unpronounceable name. As baffling as Affleck not being nominated for Best Director when his film was a shoo-in for Best Film. As baffling as Ang Lee scoring over Spielberg (what, the tiger's acting was better than Daniel Day-Lewis'?).

Daniel Day-Lewis, meanwhile, is probably one of the best actors ever, but his real-life persona is even more intriguing. He looks so ascetic, doesn't he? So refined and otherworldly. When he speaks it's as though he is weighing each word (unlike Jen Lawrence who seems to have been born with no filter between the brain and the mouth), and then carefully proferring it for your delectation. He is, let us not forget, son of a poet laureate, and husband to a renowned playwright's daughter. Maybe that's why.

* It's always surprising to me, this herd mentality, don't know why; should be used to it by now. But everyone oohing and ahhing over Adele left me cold. She gave a completely underwhelming performance, so much so she could almost not be heard over the music. While even Barbra Streisand and Shirley Bassey's voices have faded in power over the years, you don't notice it with them because their charisma enters the stage before they do and leaves you little time to think of anything else. They lift the hair on your arms and make you sigh in contentment because you feel there must be hope for a species that they represent. There is a photo on the Net where all three divas are caught together. It's a wonderful thing to have lived long enough to see.